Hercules and the Giant Fish

Hercules and the Giant Fish
by Eric Swanson

Hercules was ordered by Eurstheus to remove a giant fish from the Lake of Pilos. The fish was wreaking havoc by causing the lake to flood often and wash out the town of Pilos. Unfortunately for Hercules, the fish was immortal, making his poison-tipped arrows useless. Hercules first went to the lake spirit, Mitheos. Mitheos, who was a fat old man, agreed to expel the fish from his lake (in exchange for some very fine wine and a promise from Zeus to never allow his lake to dry up), but Hercules would have to deal with the matter from there. Hercules prepared a giant sling in which to carry the fish and waited until daybreak, when Mitheos would expel the fish from the depths of his lake.
Just as the sun was slipping over the horizon, a great wave of water formed in the lake. The giant fish flew from the water and landed with a crack, crushing several trees beneath its massive weight. Hercules immediately began to wrestle the fish, forcing it sideways into the sling. He quickly tied the fish into the sling. Then he began to drag the sling.
Hercules dragged the sling for three days and three nights, with the fish thrashing all the way. Eventually he arrived at a secluded lake that the fish could thrash around all it wanted without disturbing anybody. He threw the fish into the water and began to walk away. However, his troubles were far from over. The fish, which had been weakened by the long period without water, quickly regained its strength. It sent a sheet of water flying at Hercules. Hercules climbed up a sturdy tree and waited for the fish to tire. Then he quickly dashed away. But his task was still not complete. The fish, not to be deterred by something as simple as a lake’s bank, began to crawl up onto the land. At first, it moved slowly as a result of having no feet, but it soon established a rhythm. Hercules ran at it and kicked it in the “face,” sending it flying back into the murky lake. Then he headed for Pilos to visit the Oracle of Apollo who lived there.
Hercules made good time due to the fact that he was unencumbered by his earlier fishy burden. He dashed into the Oracle’s home and ordered the Oracle to contact Apollo for him. The Oracle, who feared Hercules as much as he respected him, quickly obeyed. Hercules asked Apollo to create an everlasting ring of fire around the lake in which he had deposited the fish. Apollo, who had always had a bit of a soft spot for Hercules, agreed to help. The ring of fire was formed and Hercules returned to the site to determine the condition of the fish.
Just as Hercules had planned, the fish was in the middle of the lake, driven from the edges by the ring of fire. After all, creatures of the deep instinctually feared bright light and extreme heat. With the fish finally trapped, Hercules’ thirteenth labor was complete and he could finally relax... or so he thought.
The fish just wouldn’t quit! It suddenly created a wave of water and flung it at Hercules and the wall of fire. The water hit the fire and instantly dispersed into a cloud of steam. Hercules laughed at the fish.
“Do you think that you could defeat a charm of Apollo with nothing more than a few drops of water?” he taunted it. To his great surprise, the fish replied.
“Hahaha! You think this fire will stop me for long? Foolish half-mortal!” the fish insulted Hercules.
“How dare you call me a half-mortal! You... you... your mom was a mackerel!”
“YOU FOOLISH HUMAN! I will not stand for such talk!” With these violent words, the fish bellowed and flung a rock from the bottom of the lake at Hercules with his tail. It hit the fire and melted into a lump of molten stone. Hercules ducked under it and felt the heat as it passed his head. He picked up a stone himself and flung it at the fish. This stone also became superheated and turned part of the lake to steam when it hit. The fish cackled and dove to the bottom of the lake. A few seconds later, the water of the lake began to spiral. Suddenly, a giant jet of water flew from the bottom of the lake and the fish was propelled over the flames and straight at Hercules.
Hercules screamed and dove to the ground. The fish missed him by mere feet. He quickly rushed it, taking advantage of its momentary stupidity as it lay on a rock next to where Hercules had jumped. He attacked it with a sharp stone, but its thick hide protected it perfectly. It just laughed at Hercules.
Suddenly, a rock sprang to life under Hercules and the fish’s “feet.” A giant rock monster picked itself up off the ground.
“Argh-ahhhh!” it roared. Hercules and the fish looked at each other. Then Hercules rushed the rock monster. He jumped on top of it and started attacking with a small piece of cattail. Soon it began to cry in fury at the pain from the cattail. Unbeknown to the rock monster, the fish had pushed itself back into the lake (which was still surrounded by flame). The fish let fly a wall of water at the rock monster. The water instantly turned into steam, but now there was a superheated jet of steam flying at the rock monster instead of a wave. The rock monster cried in pain as chunks of it exploded where the steam hit. Hercules jumped from its back and ran to a safe distance. Soon the monster was cowering below the steam cloud. Hercules ran up to it and tied it up with the ropes from the sling.
“Apollo! End the flames!” he shouted to the heavens. The ring of fire around the lake disappeared. Hercules pushed the bound rock monster into it, where it promptly drowned.
“Thanks for your help!” shouted the fish. “Hey, do you want to be my friend?”
“Sure!” replied Hercules. “My name’s Hercules. What’s yours?”
“I’m Steve,” the fish said. From that day forward, Steve and Hercules were the best of friends.