The Story of a Lovesick Teenager

AHHHH! Okay, that's maybe the third time I've screamed on my blog, and it really doesn't help. This time, the scream was one of frustration. I may have remarked on this effect before, but I'm beginning to feel the instability of my world again. There are so many thoughts and fears and hopes whipping around in my head that I wish I could just throw them all away and relax for a minute. I know, I know, big change from my last few posts, huh? Well, after writing those, I wrote another and then saved it as a draft. Why do these things always sound good in my head, but whiny and stupid once I write them? Other than my uncontrollable thoughts, Leah is tormenting me again. Whenever I say something that would make her laugh, I feel like crying. Whenever I think of her, I feel cold and dark. Sounds dramatic, but it's true. I dunno what I can do about this except endure and not cry. They say that it's okay to cry when you're sad, and maybe that's true for the first week or two, but now, it just makes it worse. Moving on... here's a generic question: why is it okay for someone to mourn the death of a loved one for months, yet my two months of sadness (okay, depression) over Carmi were excessively long. Once again, this may sound sentimental, but it's true: a relationship isn't a life, but its end is just as moving as the death of a person. It even releases some of the same chemicals found in mourning for the dead. Okay, that sounded dumb and embarrassing, but I'm gonna post it because maybe writing about this stuff will help me.